Naked
by iheartcoco
Summary: Remus sees Sirius naked. Not what you think. Mild slash. One shot.


His bones were aching and burning from the previous nights transformation, and it had taken Remus exactly three hours and forty four minutes to finally drift off in to a uneasy sleep. But then, just as his mind was too far away to feel the dull pain pulsing all through his body, he woke up. His eyes flashed open and he wasn't sure what had made him wake so abruptly until he heard the muffled shrieks and sobs again. Slightly alarmed, Remus groggily pulled himself from under the warm covers and picked up his wand before walking sluggishly across the room and out on to the landing.

The third landing of Number 12 Grimauld Place was washed in darkness and the only sounds apart from the sobs were the soft, deep breaths of the sleeping Order and the deranged mutterings of Kreacher, who Remus knew must be lurking around somewhere but didn't care at that moment to find out where.

Remus followed the sobs until they lead him to outside Sirius's bedroom door. He stood hesitantly outside it for a few moments before rapping gently against the wood with his knuckles and letting himself inside. "Sirius?" Remus said quietly, his voice hoarse.

A small gathering of lit candles were flickering on the window ledge, and in the gloom Remus could make out Sirius sat hunched on the floor at the bottom of his rumpled bed. An empty wine bottle was rolling across the dusty floor. Remus closed the door and put away his wand before sitting down beside his old friend.

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, and Remus wondered if Sirius had even noticed his presence at all, then suddenly Sirius turned and looked at him. He began to laugh manically. The sound echoed around the room and made the hairs on the of Remus's neck stand up.

"Sirius are you... Are you alright?" Remus asked slowly.

"Ah, Moony old friend..." Sirius said, his voice slurred. He reached out and grasped the wine bottle, shaking it upside down. A few drops of wine plopped on to the floor.

"You don't need that," Remus said, carefully prising the bottle from Sirius's grip, "Why don't you climb in to bed and try to get some sleep?"

Sirius stared at him, and for the first time in years Remus noticed Sirius's eyes. They had once been a powerful and attractive grey, stormy like a raging sea and just as deep. But now they were dull and empty, their gaze unfocused and dead. They were like shadowy pits sunken in to Sirius's waxy skin, bobbing above his sunken cheek bones like faded marbles. They were eyes that Remus no longer knew. They terrified him.

Sirius shook his head. "You just don't understand, do you," He muttered.

"Then help me to," Remus demanded desperately, "Tell me whats wrong!"

Sirius had been miserable for days now. He had been fine over the Christmas period, when the house he saw as a prison had been filled with people that he loved. He had enjoyed the constant company, the warm cheer that such people and the time of year brought. Depression had reared its ugly head on Boxing Day, the day when Sirius realised that Harry and the others were going back to Hogwarts and the rest of the Order had to return to their jobs whilst he sat there with nothing but a bitter house elf and a Hippogriff for company, alone with his own unhinged thoughts.

"I feel so useless, Remmy," Sirius whispered, and Remus curled in to the warmth that hearing the old nickname brought him.

"You aren't useless," Remus argued, "Without you the Order would have no where safe to gather."

"Exactly. The bloody _house_ is more useful than I am," Sirius muttered.

"I know it's hard for you," Remus said softly, "I know it can't be easy."

"No you don't!" Sirius suddenly shouted, "You have no idea what its like to be an outcast in the midst of people who are supposed to be your equals."

"Don't I?" Remus said quietly.

A stony silence followed.

Sirius sighed. "Sometimes... Sometimes it's like I never left Azkaban. I sit here in this room and its just like being back in that cell," He paused, as if wondering if to go on, then, in a voice barely above a whisper he added, "I know its silly, but sometimes I even have to check that Dementors aren't waiting outside my door."

His voice cracked before he could completely finish his sentence, and when Remus looked at his friend again he didn't see the skeleton with the haunted eyes he had seen moments before, he saw a broken man with the innocent eyes of a frightened child, and the sight made him feel like he had splinters piercing in to his heart.

He was seeing Sirius naked.

"You never talk about Azkaban," Remus said, "Maybe you should. Maybe it will help."

Sirius shook his head. "If you had spent twelve years rotting away there, then you wouldn't want to speak about it either," He said.

"Just tell me..." Remus began.

"Tell you what, Remus?" Sirius snapped loudly, "Tell you how I spent my days curled up in ball, screaming for hours on end just so that I didn't have to hear my own thoughts? Tell you how I prayed each day and night for death? How I craved for somebody to hold me in their arms and tell me that I was safe, that everybody I loved wasn't either dead or disgusted by the mere mention of my name!"

"I never felt that way about you," Remus said.

"Then why did you never write?" Sirius cried, "I wanted you to write! I wanted to know that at least _you _still loved me, I wanted to read through your words and believe that there was still a reason in the world for me to live."

Sirius collapsed in to shaking sobs, howling like a wounded dog and trembling so hard that he looked in danger of shattering at any moment. Remus pulled him in to a tight embrace, rocking him and rubbing soothing circles in to Sirius's back, burying his nose in the wild hair that he loved so much.

"I missed you, Remmy," Sirius choked, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Pads," Remus whispered.

Sirius's cries began to fade and his breathing began to slow. He managed to stop shaking and simply lay collapsed in Remus's arms, resting his head against Remus's chest and breathing in the familiar smell of books and chocolate. Sirius brushed his fingers across Remus's collar bone. "I had an excellent view of the moon from my cell window," He mused, "It was the only thing I was thankful for."

"Nothing is ever going to hurt you again, Sirius," Remus muttered, "I won't allow it. I'm going to stay and take care of you. I'm going to look after you like I should have before."

He kissed Sirius firmly on the top of his head.

"Can you forgive me?" He asked.

Sirius looked up and allowed the faintest glimpse of a smile to flit across his face.

The two of them stayed locked in that position for the rest of the night and for the first time in fourteen years Sirius slept soundly without the nightmares of his past invading his mind. Remus didn't close his eyes once, he ignored his bodies desire for sleep and watched Sirius as he slept. Things were far from perfect, but he knew that in time they were going to be just fine.

* * *

**The endings a little corny, I know, but I think you knew all along it would end that way. I'd be over the moon (hehe) if you left a review.**


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